Before I get started on this weeks post, I want to share 2 amazing upcoming events with you:

1. My in-person workshop "Manifesting & Vision Boarding" is happening this Saturday, November 15th from 1-4pm in Williamsburg, NYC. Expect a fun, light-hearted and creative environment as well as unique exercises to help you get in touch with and express your true desires freely; after all you can only manifest your dream life if you dare to actually say what you want. Plus, there will be lots of time to get crafty. Find out more and get your ticket here (only 2 tickets left!).

{Super bummed you cannot make the date or are not in the NYC area? Keep your eyes and ears peeled for an upcoming online version of this workshop next week.}

2. My friend Christine Egan has a story that really inspires me. She was the “queen of healthy” and was diagnosed with breast cancer. Her journey into recovery taught her that there is a whole other way to define health that no one is talking about: Health is about so much more than green smoothies & quinoa... it’s about laughter, love, pleasure & delight. Check out the #RedefiningHealthy revolution--- a free 10 day challenge for you to get more fun & health into your life--defined YOUR way. I am very honored to be one of the women she interviewed! Sign up here.

Today's post: The Key To More Authentic Confidence

There was a time in my life when I would see someone who looked amazing and "put together" and I assumed they were confident too. I mean, how could they not be, looking like they do?!

Then I learned that confidence -AUTHENTIC CONFIDENCE- is something completely different than “looking confident” or “coming off confident.” I’m not bashing appearing confident on the outside. Obviously that’s great too, but I realized that my assumption that confidence was something I could tell from the way someone dressed or looked on the outside was really only a reflection of my own insecurities and self-comparisons.

Here is what I now know about AUTHENTIC CONFIDENCE:

Pema Chödrön says that confidence is really the degree of gentleness you have towards yourself.

At first I took a moment, sat back and asked myself “What does that even mean?”

But upon thinking about it in more detail, it makes perfect sense: someone who is confident on the outside but not gentle towards themselves on the inside, can perhaps dare to take a risk, BUT if they fail, they crumble under feelings of shame and beat themselves up. They cannot take the set back, because their inner relationship with themselves is based on achievement and not unconditional love and gentleness towards themselves. Their confidence is contingent on how well they do; it’s not actually part of their authentic, non-negotiable foundation.

Now think about someone who has truly mastered the art of being gentle towards themselves. This person is not only acutely aware his or her own intuitive desires, but this person can also dare to take risks and step outside of their comfort zone, without risking to feel like a failure if things work out differently than expected. They will not abandon themselves in the face of adversity, challenge, and failure.

Now if you ask me, that’s true confidence: unshakable, resilient, kind.

In the spirit of creating more authentic confidence, my question for you is how can you be more gentle with yourself?

Think of a time in your life when you failed at something (we all have!) and you experienced shame, embarrassment, self-loathing, anger and disappointment towards yourself and make a conscious effort today to do something for yourself –an action!- that says “I’m sorry I treated you so harshly, I promise I will treat you with more gentleness going forward.

In the comments below, I'd love to hear what you think.

With love and to your AUTHENTIC CONFIDENCE.