How my money anxiety kept me stuck in unworthiness (and led me to spending more!)

How my money anxiety kept me stuck in unworthiness (and led me to spending more!)

Our relationship with money is as complex (if not more!)  than our romantic, family, or even food relationships, but they all boil down to the relationship we have with our Self… Think: How worthy you think you are? How deserving? How beautiful? How creative? How lovable?

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Are you afraid of making bold choices because of what others might think of you? {a personal story}

Are you afraid of making bold choices because of what others might think of you? {a personal story}

Nothing has held me back more in my life than fear of disapproval, fear of being alone, fear of failing in the eyes of others, fear of embarrassing myself.

These fears have held me back from making bold choices, empowered moves, and above all else, from stepping into my purpose. Stepping into your purpose essentially means becoming who you really are by accepting your natural gifts and sharing them with the world. Stepping into your purpose also means that you choose authentic self-expression and fulfillment. It means that you are choosing yourself.

Sometimes the steps you have to take to step into your purpose are scary, wild, and daunting. Can I really do this? However the struggle doesn't end there. Once you convince yourself that you can, in fact, do it, you still have everyone else in your life who may or may not approve. This second step is often even harder, because it is outside of our control. 

This week I have the honor to introduce you to my dear friend Michele Mikeska, 

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Do you fear that it’s too late to do what you love?

Do you fear that it’s too late to do what you love?

Earlier today I was reading over a collection of responses I received from many of you telling me what your biggest struggles and most desired solutions are. I am incredibly touched by your responses. I admire the honesty, courage and vulnerability it takes to share these with me. I’m honored!

What I was struck by in particular is how many of you are struggling with finding work that is truly fulfilling, meaningful, and at the same time allows you to afford the life you want. Others feel clueless about what they are passionate about in the first place, which brings with it a lot of frustration and anxiety about the future. Both struggles are accompanied by this sense that time is running out!

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What if you never reach your dream goal? Read this if you are worried.

What if you never reach your dream goal? Read this if you are worried.

I have noticed something in the last few week: people are walking around with two very different vibes right now. There are the ones who are totally energized and jazzed about taking 2014 by storm and then there are those who want to feel the New Year optimism and excitement, but somehow they just feel exhausted, overwhelmed and not in the flow of things.  

The main fear I hear about when it comes to resolutions and goals is fear around failing, not getting what we really want in life, fear of shooting too high and being left disappointed, fear of being seen as a failure by others and therefore, being alone, unloved, unaccomplished, poor, and left behind.

These fears paralyze us and make us retract … sometimes they make us retract far far far back … like back into our PJs+Couch+Bowl of ice-cream far back. Or simply back into our own quiet shell where it’s safe and warm but also kind of tight, suffocating, and boring.

I know what it’s like to feel paralyzed by fear.

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Is fear of LOSING IT keeping you from LIVING IT? [+ a chance to win a FREE 1 hour Strategy Session]

If you have been following my blog for a while now, you know that my coaching is based on the principle that embracing your own authenticity (aka. knowing and loving who you are as a woman, friend, daughter, mother, girlfriend, worker, money-maker, care-taker,…) is the key to creating a life you love. I have discovered this over and over again in my own life. When I was stuck and had no clue what I actually wanted to do with my professional life, I first tried to maneuver my way out of confusion by “following the rules” or “doing what I should do.” Guess where I ended up? Yup, you got it… in even more confusion plus added feelings of guilt and self-dislike for still not being happy.

 

Geneen Roth on change

The way to true bliss, flow, and happiness always led me through my own authenticity and that meant that I had to tune out the could-s, should-s, and ought to’s and tune into what actually made me happy as the individual I am. It was through discovering and ditching old patterns and believes about myself that I was able to let go and emerge with confidence, clarity, and direction. From there I could strategize and create opportunities for myself that would take me where I actually wanted to be. Do you see how this is the only way you can be totally on board with the decisions you are making for yourself?

Stepping outside of the box like this often generates a lot of fear in people –fear of the unknown, fear of embarrassment, fear of failure, AND YES, fear of actually getting something and then losing it.

 

To clarify what I mean, here are examples for what this might look like in your life:

  • being in a relationship but not deeply surrendering into everything it has to offer for fear of doing something wrong.
  • putting off making a decision or trying to get other people to make decisions for you, so that you won't feel responsible.
  • being in a job that you worked really hard to get to but then not really speaking your mind for fear that your ideas might be rejected or that the outcome might be different from what you anticipated.
  • not letting yourself fully enjoy the present moment because you don’t know what tomorrow will be like. 

 

Basically, you deny yourself the honey life has to offer from the get-go (by not fully participating in your current life) because you are afraid that there might not be enough honey for the rest of your life or that you might be disappointed because the honey won’t taste as sweet as you expected.

 

Check in with yourself:

Do you make yourself small first so that nothing (love, work, health) and no one (your partner, boss, neighbor, parents) can do it later on?

Do you tend to never let life get really really good so that you cannot be disappointed afterwards?

Is your fear of LOSING IT keeping you from LIVING IT?

 

So, before this blog post gets too depressing, there are good news: You are still the boss in your own life and once you recognize what you have been hiding from oh so badly (love, romance, work expectations, body image…), once you recognize these powerful ways in which you have chosen not to show up for yourself, you can begin to release, to befriend, to let go, and to change these patterns. You can begin to lead your life with more awareness, more confidence, and more zest so that you can stop sabotaging yourself and actually get what you want.

 

I have to honestly tell you that I could not have done this work of unveiling, re-vamping, letting go, and strategizing in my own life without the help of mentors and coaches who guided and challenged me through this process.

 

Patterns are super strong (which is why they are patterns in the first place) and when you add fear on top of it, you got yourself in a pretty sticky situation. Think about it, we repeat patterns (most often unconsciously) over and over for years and sometimes generations, so choosing a new and different path that uniquely suits YOU can be pretty intimidating.

 

As you can probably sense by now, I am so passionate about sharing this concept of personal authenticity as the fundamental framework for creating a life you love, that I am giving away 5 1-hour long Strategy Sessions (value: $150 each). In this hour, we will laser in on what is currently most challenging for you and what is keeping you stuck. I will help you get really clear on what the next steps are that you need to take in order to move into a direction that feels most authentic to who you are and what you want.

 

(Why am I giving away 5 sessions NOW, you wonder? Honestly, the last few months have been so busy with getting my new website up and getting all my coaching materials and assignments polished and ready, that I simply didn't have the time to focus on more than a few clients. The last thing I want to do is not deliver the highest standard possible. Afterall, I, too work to set myself up for happiness, balance, and success.)

 

Ok, here is how you can enter to win one of my 5 FREE Strategy Sessions: All you have to do to qualify for one of these strategy sessions is to email me at Caroline@carolinezwick.com by 12 noon this Thursday, March 21st and let me know what topic, difficulty, or problem you would like to hear more about in a future blog post. I will then randomly select 5 winners and email you with a few different time slots for YOUR personalized Strategy Session. Sounds good? Click here to contact me now. (Subject line: Free Strategy Session with Caroline)

 

I am so excited to hear from you.