"Find Your Voice" Interview: Natalie Berthold

I have always been really interested in understanding my family. Anything from where my grandparents grew up and what my parents’ childhood was like to making sense of why I am the way I am in my own life.  

There is so much information in our families and shining light on the complexities that are often entangled in these dynamics can be painful at times, but also revealing when it comes to understanding ourselves and fundamental when it comes to accepting and loving who we are.

In my own life, for example, I had a very difficult time understanding -not to mention embracing!- my own womanhood. I didn’t know what it meant to me to be feminine. That word was far more scary than alluring, so it was much easier for me to pretend like it didn’t matter. I didn’t understand that as long as I was acting from a place of fear and denial, I also couldn’t feel confident and comfortable with who I authentically am. I couldn’t fully speak with my own voice and therefore blocked myself from going for my professional calling, feeling good in my own skin and from finding true love.

Then I began to unravel family dynamics around that topic of womanhood and femininity, and started to see patterns that reached back to my grandparents generation. I was able to better understand why I felt out of touch with my body, why I doubted relationships, and why I didn’t fully accept myself as I was. Understanding the topic of womanhood or femininity is only one example of many where exploring your family is incredibly important. This is powerful work and I have seen it shift things around in my clients’ lives ever since.

Because I believe that understanding family dynamics is so wildly important when it comes to creating a free and happy life, I am beyond exciting to introduce you to my friend Natalie Berthold. Natalie is a health & lifestyle coach with a specialization in Family Constellation, which she uses to help women get to the root of their disordered eating.

Some things we talk about in the interview:

• What is Family Constellation
• How Family Constellation has completely changed Natalie’s life
• The importance of being seen and using your voice even though it’s scary
• Why going from A-Z doesn’t work
• The significance of having a tribe of people who are in the same boat
• Natalie’s’ one piece of advice that had a tremendous impact in her life

“To speak your voice is scary as hell, but what’s harder & scarier is ignoring it.” -Natalie Berthold (Tweet it!)

Be sure to check out Natalie’s upcoming Retreat in Cape Cod called “Healing the root of it" and get ready for 5 days of Family Constellation, yoga, massage, delicious food, boating and more. Take a peak here.

In the comments below, I would love to hear what you took away from this video. Are you intrigued? What came up for you?

Xox,

The ONE thing that keeps women stuck and dissatisfied with their lives

I want to tell you a story. It’s an important story, because it’s about the underlying reason why so many women aren’t 100% happy and satisfied with their lives. It’s a story about doing the inner work, so you can be free to create the life of your dreams. Two weeks ago, I had an amazing afternoon session with a client of mine, Lisa, who is in my “Find Your Voice & Speak With It, Too” signature program. Lisa has tons of ambition and passion, is super smart and funny, and wants to create a life for herself in which she has it all: a meaningful career, dinner parties with her girlfriends, regular yoga classes, and a sexy romantic life. While she WANTED to create her dream life, every time she tried she felt totally drained. She was working her butt of, doing 100 things at the same time, and trying to keep track of all of her amazing ideas. Then she crashed and found herself procrastinating and getting distracted.

She was just too overwhelmed with all of the pieces that needed to get done and in the midst of all of these external demands totally stopped taking care of herself. Somehow adventure, romance, and doing creative activities always were the first to go out the window if times got busy… and times were always busy. The evenings when she did indulge, she often felt guilty for not being more productive.

Over the course of our work together, Lisa and I really investigated her inner world and talked about what she actually wanted in her life - both from a feelings component and from a practical component. We discussed where she wanted to be in 10 years, 5 years, and 1 year from now. We created a clear roadmap for how she would get where she wanted to be and penciled in lots of fun activities, work-outs, and simple pick-me-ups that would make her daily life feel colorful and alive.

By the time we finished our work together, Lisa was on track like never before because she had a step-by-step plan. She didn’t have to think about ALL the things she wanted to do in her life, but could easily focus in on what needed to get done one day at a time. Having that kind of direction and self-awareness has allowed her to move through her daily tasks smoothly, jump back into her exercise routine, hang out with her friends, and go to bed at night feeling accomplished.

I am telling you this, because I know that so many of you are on auto-pilot and pushing really hard for your goals at the sacrifice of your well-being and your relationships. And that sucks.

The takeaway message is this:

The answer to leading a fulfilling life doesn’t always reside in doing MORE, pushing HARDER, or running FASTER. The solution to when you feel off balance and exhausted, is to take a step back and LISTEN to what you actually want to do in your one precious life.

Clarity, direction, and satisfaction isn’t something that can be found outside of yourself, it’s not something that you can discover by collecting everyone’s opinion and well-intentioned thoughts. If you truly want to live a fulfilling life, be in love, and do meaningful work, you have to take a step back and get to know yourself first. That’s what I did in my own life, what Lisa did in hers, and what you can do, too.

SO, here is your invitation to schedule your 30-minute consultation with me, during which we can chat about where you are stuck, how it’s affecting your life, and how I can help. There is no commitment and no pressure. Just a way for us to get to know each other and find out if we are a good fit. Schedule your 30-minute consultation here.

If this email speaks to you, I am excited to connect with you and hear your story. If not, that’s totally cool too and I am happy you found your path already.

I look forward to being in touch with you!

xox,

Are you a natural care-taker and feeling depleted? Here is what to do.

***Before I get started, just a quick reminder to those of you are longing to have a more balanced life: make sure you fill in these 5 quick questions to win one of my 7 free “Find Your Balance Session.” There are only a few spots left. Sound good? Click here, fill in, submit, and you are good to go. Easy peasy.***

But now, on to today’s post:

If you are a natural care-taker, it is probably a no-brainer for you to rush to your friends when they need help. It’s natural for you to empathize. You can feel when those you love are in pain and witnessing your parents or your friends fight, makes your heart knotted and stomach anxious. You try to offer solutions and find the fastest way to heal their wounds. The idea of saying No! provokes feelings of guilt. Thoughts like “I cannot leave her now,” “I feel bad,” and “I don’t want to be mean” are probably very familiar to you.

On the flipside of your giving nature, is someone who can feel pulled into a hundred different directions and depleted by inner and outer demands. Your biggest lesson in creating the life of your dreams, will be to learn how to take care of yourself the way you take care of others.

Agapi Stassinopoulos talks about being a care-taker and said that one of her main lessons was to “learn where I ended and others began.”

As a natural care-taker myself, I know all too well what it feels like to viscerally feel when someone I love is not doing well. It pains me to watch them suffer and something inside of me believes that I can make things better for them. A few years back, I couldn’t distinguish “where I ended and others began” and often felt emotionally heavy, which in turn let me to reach to food or over-exercise as a comforter.

During that time, I also didn’t understand why I wasn’t madly in love with an amazing man, why I felt so confused about what I wanted professionally, and –simply put- why I wasn’t a happier person! Those were all things I really wanted in my life: true love, a fulfilling career, and happiness, yet, somehow, they seemed unreachable.

What I had to learn was how to say a big YES! to myself and implement boundaries that allowed me stand on my own solid foundation regardless of what was happening around me.

I came to understand that having boundaries doesn’t mean that you cannot do nice, loving, and helpful things for others.

It just means that you won’t sacrifice yourself in exchange, because sacrificing yourself will help no one.

Establishing boundaries and carving out the space for you to feel deeply alive and engaged with your own life is something I work on with all of my clients.

Here are some good questions to start thinking about where your boundaries need to be:

1)    What drains your energy (activities, people, circumstance, etc.)?

2)    What fuels your energy (activities, people, circumstance, etc.)?

3)    How much of your time do you spend doing things that drain your energy and how much of your time do you spend doing things that fuel your energy?

Helping women create this kind of space, time, and balance in their lives is what I have found yields the biggest results when it comes to being happy, so take some time with these questions and really think about them. This is the work people who are leading truly fulfilling lives must do .

With love,

P.S.: If you want to take a significant step towards creating a life you love, make sure you sign up for one of the 7 complimentary “Find Your Balance Sessions” I am offering this month. Fill out these 5 quick questions so I can get to know you and see if I can help. Click here and let’s get your thoughts rolling.

When you don't feel like going back to work after a holiday

Coming back to work after a holiday weekend can be a toughie for many of us.  I don't know about you, but I woke up this morning feeling just a little bit more tired, somehow heavier, and well... not exactly eager to whip out my calendar. This is unusual for me, especially because I have a meeting coming up today that I have been and still am super duper excited for. Yet, my initial motivation to jump out of bed was meager at best.

Thinking about why this morning felt so heavy, I realized that this past weekend, Raz and I had our first real weekend together as an engaged couple -meaning we didn't have visitors in town or plans to go anywhere.

All we did was sleep, make yummy food, go on bike rides, wander over to the ice-cream shop, cuddle on the couch, play cards, sip wine, and go to the US Open - an engagement gift from one of our friends and something I have been wanting to do forever (It was so fun!). We also started talking a bit more about what we imagine our wedding to look like and my dad -who has been beyond excited and so cute even since we got engaged- even sent over some pictures of traditional Bavarian wedding dirndles (if you don't know what that is, do yourself a favor and image google it;)).

So yes, coming back after a weekend of  joy and relaxation can be challenging. And it's ok. It might just mean you have a full life outside of work. (Tweet it!)

But, what's just as important is realizing what you can do about feeling de-motivated and how can you get yourself back on track and out of the back-to-school blues?

Here for my 4 top go-to's that are guaranteed to lift your spirits and will make your whole day (and week) feel lighter and more beautiful.

1) Realize that it's ok to have a blase day. Don't beat yourself up over it. There is nothing wrong with you and not feeling like going back to your job after a long weekend, doesn't necessarily mean you are in the wrong career (if you feel terrible about going to work every morning, that's another story and we should probably talk in person).

2) Stop repeating in your head how much you don't wanna go to work. It just makes it worse, so stop, let it go, and move on. You are in charge of your thoughts.

3) Add some color to your day. When I got up this morning and didn't propel out of bed, I lit some candles, cut up a peach, put out some nuts (my dad calls them "little energy bombs"), and moved the flowers to the center of the table. I immediately felt better seeing so much color and freshness around myself. Try adding something vibrant and beautiful to your day. Get some flowers during lunch and add them to your desk, put on some bright lipstick, make a stop at sephora and spritz your favorite perfume, have a colorful meal, paint your nails, change your computer's background image... you see, the options are endless.

4) Surprise someone at work with a nice gesture or little gift. It will add an element of excitement to being at the office. Drop off a little chocolate on someone's desk. Send your best friend flowers to work. Give someone a compliment in the elevator. Forward an article you really like, a quote that makes you feel good, or a video that makes you laugh to someone who needs it today.

Pick-me-ups or re-motivators don't have to be a big deal. There is so much beauty in simplicity and the best part is that most of these small actions are available to you anytime anywhere. 

In the comments below I would love to hear how you are feeling today and what you are doing to brighten up your day. The power is yours, so take it!

xox,

When you are trying to change someone (and it’s not working)

I am sure you have experienced moments when you thought to yourself: “I just need him/her to be a little bit more attentive/ ambitious/ healthy/ relaxed/ loving/ patient/ adventurous.” Maybe you have even said to yourself “Unless she/he changes her habits/ attitude/ opinion, I won’t be happy” or “I can only do this, if she/he changes _____ about themselves.”  

Haven’t we all tried to change someone else at one point or another? A lover, a partner, a friend, a parent?

Last year, I saw Kris Carr, New York Times Best-selling author, wellness activist and cancer thriver (through her lifestyle choices, she is able to live with incurable cancer... I know, amazing!) speak. She is a true inspiration and I loved her way of seeing life, so I was pumped to watch her live. During Q & A, a woman in the audience asked Kris how she could get her husband to make healthier nutritional choices. Kris said something that has stuck with me since.

She said: “The only people you can change are those who are in diapers.” Genius, I thought, and funny! (Tweet it!)

If you want people who are close to you to make changes –lifestyle changes in particular- the only way to really get them to embrace that change is by facilitating their own authentic desire to change.

The way to do that is to model to them what their life will be like once they make a certain change. For the woman in the audience, this meant to do exactly what she wanted her husband to start doing. By eating clean and nutritious food and treating her body with endless love and care, she would wake up in the morning with lots of energy and feeling great. Her physical body would become increasingly well, her mind awake, and her spirit clear. The more she reaped the benefits of living a healthier lifestyle, the more her husband would want to join her in it… not because she convinced him to, but because he really wanted to himself.

Of course there are situations when you need to have a frank and direct talk with someone, but when it comes to making a change in lifestyle choices, this is the way to go.

This has been true in my relationship as well: My now fiancé (<3 ;)!) Raz has shown me how to relax more without feeling guilty. I am a do-er by nature and nurture and relaxing was something I wasn’t always good at because it wasn’t “productive.”

I remember one of the first times Raz and I were sitting on the couch together and I asked “So, what are we doing today?” and he simply responded “Well, right now, we are just hanging out on the couch.” WOW, I thought, ok, I guess I can try this (even though, admittedly, my inner hectic accomplisher was a bit thrown off).

Over the last three years of our relationship, I have learned so much when it comes to relaxing guilt-free because Raz is modeling it to me and I watch him reap the benefits of a calmer mind, which is something I have always wanted but unconsciously resisted in the way I was acting and choosing to fill my calendar. I embraced that change because I really wanted to and he gave me the space to slowly try it on. Needless to say, it has proven to be amazing!

In return, I have gotten him to eat healthier (he now confidently uses the word quinoa) and work out more because he witnessed the positive impact it had on my energy levels and sleeping patterns. Neither of these changes happened over night, but it happened gradually and authentically not because we forced each other but because we lived our different lifestyle choices in front of each other’s eyes.

So, if you want someone to become more loving, be more loving. If you want someone to be more adventurous, show them how awesome an adventurous life is by embracing adventure yourself. If you want someone to change their habits, show them alternative ones. If you want someone to be more respectful of you, start with being the utmost respectful to yourself first.

In the comments below, I would love to hear what you would like to change about someone and how you might be able to go about encouraging that change naturally and authentically.

Lots of love, patience, and authenticity to you.

xo,

"Find Your Voice" Interview: Isabel Foxen Duke

I am beyond excited to finally share with you something I have been working on over the last few weeks.

I present: the first video of my  "Find Your Voice" interview series

In the following months I will post one interview each month in which I am talking with someone who has truly found their own voice and has been able to turn their passion into an active ingredient of their career and life in general.

Living out of a place of passion, authenticity, and purpose is fundamental when it comes to creating meaningful lives, so I thought "What better way to stimulate this thought process than to interview some amazing people who have done just that."

Without further ado, I have the pleasure to interview Isabel Foxen Duke, an Emotional Eating Expert and rockstar in life at large (honestly, she is so much fun!). Isabel has helped hundreds of women heal their relationship with food and their bodies and who are therefore, leading lives that are free of restriction, guilt, and self hate. Isabel was also recently featured in the Huffington Post, which is just beyond cool (I cannot help myself and sometimes just have to brag about my friends;)).

Here are some things Isabel and I are going to talk about in this interview:

• Why and how Isabel started working with women who are struggling with food, body image, and perfectionism
• A private glimpse into her own struggles and what it took to free herself aka. how she found her own voice
• How being authentic and going for what she actually wanted has impacted other areas of her life
• Isabel's one piece of advice to get over a fear of risk taking

Click play below.

“Perfectionism is the devil’s playground.” –Isabel Foxen Duke (tweet it!)

Find out more about Isabel and download her free guide "How to not eat cake" here. It's amazing!!

In the comments below I would love to hear about what you found most helpful about this video. What's you take away message?

My friend got really honest with me… here is what happened

Last week I had lunch with a friend of mine who I hadn’t seen in way too long. She belongs to the group of people wandering this planet who carries within herself that indescribable, old soul wisdom. To me it always seems like she speaks every word carefully and with intention, so it’s no wonder that our lunch conversation went way beyond the usual chitchat catch-up. Over our shared appetizer of spicy carrots in the East Village, she asked me to tell her more about my coaching and how I work. So I started by explaining to her what exactly I mean by “Find Your Voice And Speak With It, Too” (the name of my signature program).

I said that the first part, “Find Your Voice” is all about exploring your inner life. I told her that my coaching is very much informed by my psychology background and that I believe that there are two sides to authenticity –our inner workings and our outer actions.

I told her about family genograms that explore how we were role-modeled how to feel about ourselves, about creating a timeline for the major events in our lives and how they have shaped us. I told her about tools to implement boundaries and how I help my clients get to know their innate typology.

AND THEN, I told her about the “Speak With It, Too” part which basically utilizes the realizations my clients make about their inner life to dream freely and set goals in the real world that are in line with their authentic selves.

As soon as I mentioned the word GOAL-SETTING, she blushed a little and said: “I have to be honest with you… I am not into goal setting.”

“YES” I thought to myself. I know that so many of you have similar reactions to goal setting and I am beyond curious, so I simply said “Tell me more.”

What came out was that she –who by the way is an amazing yogi and emerging dance therapist—feels that she likes to focus on the here and now, that she likes to trust that the universe will take care of things, and that goal setting feels rigid and inflexible.

As our conversation went on, it came out that goal setting is often accompanied by a fear of failure, of setting expectations for yourself that are too high, of not achieving what you set out to do.

These are all such natural fears and trust me, I still encounter them when I set my own goals for myself.

What I have realized however, is that the reason I am experiencing this fear is because I care, because I want to grow and progress in what I do, because I like to dream big and not limit myself by average, norm, or custom.

I want to find my own path in this wild world and I am up for challenging my limits if that means that I can become more of who I am and do more of what I love. {tweet it}

My goals (which I set for the 4 main areas of my life: work, love, health, and play) serve as my friendly allies who remind me to stay balanced and of what I really really really want in my life. They grow with me and can change as I learn about myself, because I treat them as living documents.

In my eyes, having goals and trusting the universe are not mutually exclusive at all. I set my goals in tune with my authenticity and the universe supports this authenticity.

Here is what else happened: we deciphered that everyone lately seems to be really into “visualizing” what they really want.

So let me ask you this: What’s the difference between visualizing and goal setting? Aren’t they the exact same thing? Don’t both techniques ask you to paint a vivid, beautiful picture of your true desires?

If you ask me, goal setting takes visualizations a step further because you are asked to write down what you want and therefore you allow your wishes to enter the real world.

It’s like planting a seed in real soil instead of hoping that a flower will bloom out of thin air.

So I told my friend a real life story from one of my clients whose 1-year goal for the PLAY category was to get away to a cabin on the Hudson River next summer. Literally, the next morning my client ran into her neighbor who told her that she had just bought a cabin on the Hudson and would love her help decorating it next summer. WOOOOT??? Crazypant, isn’t it?!?

I am so happy that my friend was honest with me and told me about her hesitations towards goal setting. It gave me the chance to deepen my own thoughts and now share with you how I use goal setting in a unique way that is truly nurturing, authentic, and not at all inflexible.

And guess what? I even convinced my friend to give my type of goal setting a try. I literally cannot wait to see how her path will unfold after we work together.

But now, over to you: what are your thoughts and feelings about goal setting? Do you use it? Do you like it? What are your hesitations?

Lots of love to you,

5 key insights you must know to kickstart your way to success AND happiness (Vlog)

Hello my fellow success AND happiness-seeker,  

About three years ago, I thought that if I wanted to be happy, I had to be successful. And if I wanted to be successful, I had to know the answers to everything right then, be productive 24/7, and eradicate all my weaknesses.

I ran myself into the ground.

Then, I learned that being successful meant being happy, that knowing the answers to everything is impossible and unnecessary, that nobody is actually productive 24/7, and that trying to eradicate all my weaknesses was a waste of my time and energy. {Tweet that here.}

Today, I want to share with you my first ever Vlog (video blog) in which I share with you 5 key insights you must know to kickstart your way to success and happiness. Click play to watch the video below.

(Video not displaying correctly? Click here.)

In the comments below share your personal insights when it comes to creating success and happiness. I would love to learn from you.

Xo

P.S.: In case you missed it, I had the honor of being selected as Wellness Woman of the Week by New Zealand wellness blog 'Wellness is Bliss.' Check out my interview with founder Rosie Fea, here. We talk about what wellness means, how I found direction in my life, time management & stress relief tips, and how to handle negative self-talk... to name a few. Access the interview here.

How I feel about turning 30 (+ a BIG birthday surprise

30 is a big number. It symbolizes the turn of a decade. Numerically, it means the end of being a 20-something year old. In the world of magazines, it means that I now fall into a different age bracket, where I am told to wear different jeans, wear my hair “sophisticated”, and smother my face with anti-aging face creams. No wonder, we attribute so many different emotions to turning 30. When I was in my teens I thought that a 30-year old person was… well, old. A REAL adult. Serious and established. Living in an owned house with a lawn and a fence, kids and a couple of dogs (can you tell I am from the countryside?!). In my young mind, 30-year olds had everything figured out.

So, here I am: 30 for 5 days, renting an apartment in Brooklyn with Raz and our pretty badass cat, one humble year into my dream career, far from having it all figured out, but happier and feeling free-er than I ever imagined myself to be.

Do I feel like I wasted my 20s or that I should be further along? To be honest and 100% realistic: Heck no… there is no way I could be where I am today without having a solid 10 years of being 20-something. Reflecting on the last 10 years, I can see that I did incredibly important work! I addressed a lot of personal confusion in all major areas of life (work, love, play, and health) and built the foundation I am standing on today. That takes time and serious effort!

I really got to know myself and learned the most important lesson of life: how to accept and love who I am; not in a conceded, flashy, or gross way, but in an authentic and genuine way where I treat myself lovingly and give myself the benefit of the doubt (like I would do with my best friends). I have given up on seeking perfection and instead am striving for wholeness. I have (largely!) stopped comparing myself to others and instead have embarked on an adventure to unveil my own uniqueness and personal strengths. Instead of giving credit only to my brain and to logic, I am able to tune into my gut and trust my intuition.

Most importantly, I have come to truly believe that life does not have a destination, but that it is an on-going journey that is continually unfolding and exposing new paths, opportunities, and relationships. I don’t believe there is a destination and if there is, I hope I never arrive because I never ever want to stop the excitement of growing, finding, and blossoming yet again.

But, to be frank, despite the excitement this journey holds, it is also not always easy. Nor is it supposed to be. True growth is hard and sometimes you have to fall apart in order to put yourself together again and emerge as someone who is stronger, more authentic, happier, and simply more who YOU really are.

In my 20s, I have fallen apart and re-collected myself as I navigated through my deep fear of falling in love and my simultaneous, even deeper fear of being lonely; through my ambitions to be recognized as successful and admired by others which resulted in professional confusion and stringent self-dislike; and through my back-injury which forced me to finally wake up and befriend myself.

My 20s served as a time for me to search, fail, get up again, and ditch who I thought I should be so I could be free to be who I actually am. It allowed me to discover my coaching career and now guide others through this journey of self-discovery and authentic goal setting, and it allowed me to utterly fall in love with someone who I have been building a loving and adventurous reality with.

So, when people ask me how I feel about turning 30 (and trust me, it’s been the most prevalent question lately!) I can honestly say that I feel younger, happier, and more alive than ever. I feel like I am just coming out and beginning to blossom. I am finally ready to receive and absorb all the goodness life has to offer… because my foundation is based on authenticity, clarity, and fearless zest for life.

And what's the best part of my journey to 30? Raz must have noticed how much I love our life, because on my 30^th birthday, while hiking in Yosemite, Raz asked me to spend the rest of our lives together. Of course I said “YES!” (honestly, I probably said it at least 7 times) because I am ready for the next stage in my life… 25, 30, or 50… it doesn’t matter. My inner life doesn’t have an age.

Here are some pictures of the proposal in Yosemite and of our celebration a few days later.

  

In the comments below, I would love to hear from you: How do you feel about your age? Are you worried that you are behind or not where you want to be? Is this worry because of the pressure society sometimes puts on us?

P.S.: August is the last month in which I am giving away 3 1-hour Strategy Sessions for FREE, so if you are interested, email me by tomorrow, July 31st to be entered into the bucket.

Self-care that doesn’t cost time or money

We all know that we need self-care, that we really should buckle down and get out of the office a bit earlier, that it is technically important to take vacation. So, why is it that so many of us still put taking care of ourselves last?  

Lately, the word self-care has been all over the place. All kinds of marketing companies use it to tell you why you need a certain overpriced beauty product or why you need to get a 10 pack of Swedish massages at a luxury beauty salon. While some of them do have a point, they are also equating self-care with having abundant money and time. 

When we make decisions to do anything, most of us think about how much money and how much time something will take. They are two of our most valued and limited resources.

What I would like to tell you today is that self-care does not mean that you have to spend more money OR that you necessarily have to make more time in your busy schedule.

More than that, self-care is also NOT the same as self-indulgence.

It is nothing you should ever have to feel guilty about.

Self-care is self-preservation and therefore an act of love not only towards yourself, but towards everyone else you love.

How will you take care of your family, your friends or your business if you are totally drained and burnt-out?

You cannot.

So, let’s get over it and accept that self-care in its essence is the sunshine that allows flowers to bloom and fruits of grow ripe.

It's a non-negotiable.

So, let me peel the onion for you and show you how I see self-care being possible without spending a good chunk of your income or quitting your full-time job.

As I see it, there are 3 main layers.

Layer 1: This is the outer-most stage. The big acts that do cost you money and time. The vacation. The massage. The lavish dinner. You get it. No need to elaborate.

Layer 2: Swap and modify your simple daily choices. It’s all about looking at the things you already do and infusing them with a sense of love and self-care.

Simple examples:

Waking up: Instead of waking up to an alarm clock that sounds like nails on chalkboard, wake up to music you enjoy.

Putting on lotion: Instead of slathering on bodylotion that smells like plastic, take joy in rubbing in lotion with natural ingredients that smells like vacation.

Getting to work: Instead of taking the train to work, bike or get off a few stops before your actual stop, so you can feel your body and breath in some fresh air.

Eating lunch: Instead of ordering in the same healthy but boring lunch every day, take a break and try something super flavorful at a new place (you will catch up that time by being way more productive following a little break). What else can you switch?

Cost: Intention and Practice

Layer 3: Change you internal dialogue.

The best way to truly take care of yourself is by speaking to yourself in a way that reflects caring. We are so used to talking to ourselves in a judgmental, unkind voice that it takes a bit of practice to even notice it. So when you catch yourself in the midst of negative self-chatter imagine yourself as a 4 year old and ask yourself “Would I talk like that to my own 4-year old self?” If the answer is “no” then replace what you just said with something that you would say to the 4-year old You.

Cost: Commitment to being kind and humorous in you inner dialogue and perception of the world around you.

In the comments below, I would love to know: what do you intend to change in order to start taking care of yourself better? Start simple.

I know you can do this.

xox

This question is guaranteed to put you into a good mood:)

The number one reason why I love being a lifecoach is because I get to work with the most amazing individuals. And I mean that! I literally get to spend my day with women who are nothing short of brilliant, immensely passionate, and willing to take charge of where their lives are going. I get to facilitate their growth by giving them the right tools so they can confidently pinpoint their passion and figure out a clear, FUN roadmap to stop putting their biggest dreams on hold. I mean, just writing this out makes me all giddy inside because I honestly feel so lucky.  

The best part is that I continue to learn from my clients  non-stop and all the time as well. I truly believe that growth is never a solitary experience. Whenever something or someone changes or shifts, everything around them changes or shifts as well. That's what being in a dynamic environment means. That's what being alive is all about.

The reason I am telling you this is because last week one of my clients shared with me what I thought was just the best question ever. She asked:

What 10 things do you most love about being alive?

(In no particular order!)

You know a question is amazing if the questions itself makes you happy even before you answer it  : )

When I got home that night, I decided to send the question to some of my best friends. They shared their answers with me and now, I would love to share their answers with you as well in order to stimulate your own thoughts about  WHAT YOU LOVE MOST ABOUT BEING ALIVE.

Here are some of their answers:

Michele

• water, any kind (a tall glass of, a shower, a lake, an ocean)
• surprising myself
• the weather
• clouds
• good conversation
• hugs
• randomness
• creativity
• seeing a big world, and a bigger universe
• flowers

Chelsea

• Reflection
• Heartbreak
• Love (and Being in Love)
• Curiosity
• Physical Strength/Health
• Learning (especially learning from trying experiences)
• Growing old with friends
• Looking forward to more life
• Laughter
• The Beach

Meghan

• Eating: Tasting and enjoying the various flavors of foods
• Enjoying the beauty of Nature: oceans, forest, sunsets, flowers and so much more.
• Developing close friendships and relationships
• Exploring personal growth.  Trying to be the best version of "you."
• Learning: there are always new things you can learn from life.
• Traveling: seeing the many sights of the world
• Relaxing!
• Feelings of happiness and contentment
• Accomplishment: knowing that you achieved success in some aspect of your life.
• Babys: looking forward to having children and leaving a piece of yourself behind for generations to come.

Lindsay

• sunsets
• listening to waves crash
• making someone smile
• being on the water - in any way
• wandering through fields or streets of new places
• a meal cooked with love, shared with friends
• the wind on my face when I snowboard down a mountain
• human touch
• reading or writing words strung together in way that evoke emotion
• dancing, with no inhibition

... and mine

• first warm spring day 
• biking/running in warm rain after a big storm with sunrays breaking through the clouds
• AHA moments
• waking up next to Raz every morning
• cutting fresh fruit & putting it on a pretty plate
• decorating a dinner table with the anticipation of shared laughter
• teasing & being teased by my brothers
• being in dramatic nature (high mountains, deep lakes, wild ocean)
• eating dessert on my dad's birthday
• little kids unfiltered, non-PC curiosity
• cherry blossom tress in the wind

We would LOVE to hear from you in the comments below: What are the 10 THINGS YOU LOVE MOST ABOUT BEING ALIVE?

Trust me, it's impossible not to feel happy about your life after jotting down your answers! Share them below and we can create a whole collection together : )

With love,

The problem with “going with the flow” that you might be overlooking

Going with the flow is great. The times when things are just cruising along feel wonderful, easy, and super relaxed. Everything seems to fall into place almost on its own. Positive energy is all around you and you attract amazing people and awesome opportunities into your life. I am all for “going with the flow” IF -that is- you are making an active effort to tune into your own gut and use your own intuition to guide you into the flow.  

The thing is that truly “going with the flow” can actually be quite difficult. Unless you are on vacation or have endless time and money, “going with the flow” is probably one of the most challenging things AND/OR greatest luxuries there is. 

That is true for two reasons: A) Going with the flow requires you to give up control, let go of expectations and that nagging “should” voice, and B) Going with the flow requires that you are not “too busy” to follow the flow.

What I have discovered is that when people tell me that they don’t like to plan, that they don’t need or want to think about their goals, but instead just want to go with the flow, it is usually for one (or both) of two reasons:

1) they think that planning and setting goals will add stress to their lives. For them “going with the flow” is really saying “I need more relaxation or play time.”

2) they are afraid that they will fail whatever they set out to do and saying that they want to go with the flow, allows them to stay passive. For them “going with the flow” is really a way of saying “If I don’t try, I cannot fail.”

If you really want to go with the flow in your life, let’s make it happen.

For those of you who fall into category 1, let’s carve out time in your schedule of 'unplanned time' or of 'play time' so that you can actually go with the flow and do more of what you really want to do. Frantically running errands on Saturday afternoon is clearly not fueling your relaxation levels, but since you don’t plan ‘unplanned time’ you never end up getting around to chilling out and letting the afternoon lead you. Sounds totally counter-intuitive, doesn’t it?! But what I have found in the lives of busy people is that unless unplanned time –or “going with the flow time”- is scheduled into their calendars as if they were a royal audience, they simply do not happen. So, let’s look at your schedule and start to delegate things differently so that you can actually “go with the flow.”

If you fall into category 2 and are hiding behind “going with flow” because you are afraid to say out loud what you specifically want in your life, I want to encourage you to start playing a more active role in your daily life. Specifically, I would like you to ask yourself these powerful questions to get started: 1) What do I like to do for fun? What am I passionate about? And 2) Whose permission am I waiting for to start doing the things I have been wanting to do? Who am I trying to impress?

The key message with this post is that you can truly begin going with the flow, drawing in positive energy, and manifesting your purpose once you create the space in your life where you can not only tap into your own intuition but truly listen to it because you are not acting from a place of busy-ness, doubt, or the need to impress someone else.

You can follow your own flow, because you are centered, you believe in yourself, and you are clear on what you want -not in a greedy, selfish way, but in a generous, natural way that is geared at sharing yourself and your gifts with others.

A healthy planet starts with happy individuals. And happy individuals go with the flow… their own flow, that it.

In the comments below, tell me what "going with the flow" means to you and what shifts you have to make in your life so that you can tap into this golden space more often.

Cannot wait to hear what you have to say.

xo

What you NEED TO KNOW to be successful and (never) grow-up!

First off, I would like to ask you a question: When did you start being an adult and what switch did you make in your life in order to be one? Think about this for a moment.  

Then I want you to think about when you experience stuckness in your life. Think about the times when you feel insanely frustrated, annoyed, discouraged, and bored. Think about the times when you work your butt off and NOTHING happens.

All of these situations have one thing in common: THE ABSENCE OF PLAY.

In order to be our best selves, to problem-solve creatively, to think innovatively, to feel healthy and alive in our bodies, to love another person deeply, and to experience ourselves without judgment, we need PLAY.

Throughout my life and from what I have learned and seen in my friends, family, and clients, I have observed over and over again that one of the deepest forms of rest and rejuvenation is PLAY.

Personally, it doesn’t matter if I am stuck in figuring out what my next career move is, what’s creating hindrance in my relationships, or how I can restore my health… for me the way back to equilibrium always seems to be through PLAY.

So, if I create the space to play, what is inevitably true is that everything else begins to flow. My work becomes alive. My purpose is clear. Clients find me. My productivity sky-rockets. My relationships are supportive and nurturing. And I am happy.

BUT, what does PLAYING even mean?

This past Sunday, I was sipping my morning coffee in the company of Martha Beck’s writings. In her book Finding Your Way In A Wild New World, she writes about some of her findings when she asked adults about what it means for them to play.

She says:

“When I ask adults to find pictures of play or relaxation in the pages of magazines, they typically –I mean, like 95 percent of the time—cut out images of people lying inertly on some sort of low-slung beach furniture, getting plastered on margaritas. News Flash: this is not play. It’s just evidence of two sad things about modern life: (1) most of us are desperately sleep-deprived, and (2) we’ve largely abandoned our playful, imaginative true nature to media clichés. Real play is actually a wildly creative application of deep practice.” (p. 28).

What I find fascinating about her findings is that both -sleeping and drinking- passively help us do one thing: they help us cancel our inner dialogue that often instructs us that we “should” do certain things.

They help us gain some distance (by being asleep or tipsy) from our stressed out thoughts about what we “need to do.” That tells me that people are deeply yearning for a time and a place where our commanding or restricting thoughts aren’t clouding our simple presence.

Beck’s point is to show us that, as responsible grow-ups, we have often lost our ability to use play to enter a space she calls “wordlessness.”

Beck describes this type of space as a place where your brain stops thinking in words and your whole self simply experiences. Most of us are so used to taking things in through our mind and then quickly attaching words to them, that the moments when we experience spontaneous joy are often short AND few and far between.

So, instead of working so hard to be “proper grown-ups” who put creative play or “wordlessness” on the backburner (just to chronically catch up on sleep or find relaxation in the comfort of alcohol), what if we began to incorporate play actively in a way that allowed us to drop into this deeply relaxing and playful hemisphere that in turn, allows us to be more successful AND happier?

You might start playing more by trying something new and challenging (think: an art class, a cooking session, a book club,...), by being physically active and getting into your body (think: try a challenging hike, join a sports team, get certified as a yoga instructor,...) or even by infusing simple every day task with a playful attitude (think: dance while you get ready in the morning, chop your veggies in a rhythm, add a funny edge to usually boring work emails, decorate your dining table before you sit down to eat etc.)

In the comments below, I would love to hear from you about 2 specific things:

a)    In what areas in your life are you too grown-up? In what areas of your life are you pushing really hard without seeing any results?

b)    What is a way of playing that you would like to try? How can you consciously start playing more, so that you can fuel your creative mind and re-create positive movement in all areas of your life?

I cannot wait to read what you have to say!

xo,

P.S.: If you struggle with incorporating play into your life, email me at caroline@carolinezwick.com by Sunday, June 30th and enter to win one of 3 Strategy Sessions that I am giving away for FREE in the month of July. First come, first serve!

There is only one thing worse than fear

Lately, I have been hearing a lot of talk about fear of failure/ success/ embarrassment/ the unknown/ loss/ making the wrong decision etc. and how it is holding us back from going for what we really want in our lives.  

In fact, you have probably heard me talk about how fear has been holding me back in my own life. To be honest with you, I come up against my own fears all the time and then work hard to not let fear be in the driver seat of my life (which I imagine takes place in an open-roof Jeep Wrangler, but anyway…).

Today, I want to challenge this topic of fear being the ultimate villain in our lives.

Fear in and of itself is NOT the problem. I believe that fear is a pretty natural reaction because it keeps us from making decisions solely based on impulse, and instead slows us down a bit and makes us think about (and in the ideal cases, FEEL INTO) what it is that we really want to do in pivotal moments in our lives.

Think of your ambition or your ‘love for something’ and your fear as business partners who are trying to figure out, which steps make the most sense. Your ambition-voice is the visionary, the optimist, the connector and your fear-voice is the realist, the numbers-guy/gal, the one who pays careful attention to details. In an ideal setting your ambition-voice and your fear-voice would sit down at the table together, share a chocolate croissant, take all the information they have, and digest it thoroughly –in the rational mind and in the intuitive gut. Together, they would make the best and most sustainable decisions, don't you agree?

All that to say, that I do not believe that fear itself is killing your soul and creating ever-lasting stuckness for you.

But if not fear, then what?

Doubt.

Doubt results when fear is channeled incorrectly, when fear is the only voice that shows up for your business meeting, when your ambition-voice or your ‘love for something’-voice is tucked away, silenced, and labeled as “ridiculous,” “unrealistic,” or “too big for someone like yourself.”

When your fear is not recognized as a gentle reminder to weigh your options carefully, but instead is interpreted as an evil voice that says “You don’t have what it takes,” you create an internal environment that is dominated by doubt.

Self-doubt to be specific.

And self-doubt is what gives rise to negative self-talk and to a split deep within yourself that keeps you small, insufficient, and stuck. Doubt is the invisible hand that is keeping you from moving forward. Doudtfulness is one of the core things I help my clients to overcome, so that movement can happen and the voice of fear doesn't remain the dominant one.

Before I give you simple steps for how you can begin to move out of the realm of self-doubt and step into clarity and self-love, I have to give credit to Agapi Stassinopoulos for raising my awareness for the role doubt plays. Last weekend, at the S.H.E. Summit Conference, I witnessed Agapi speak… or should I say perform. I have never ever seen a powerhouse of a woman take the stage like Agapi did. Theatrical and full of humor. Loving and charged with a zest for life like only a true Greek actress-turned-inspirational speaker can be.

But now, back to why you are reading this post: if you are struggling with stuckness and experience doubt, I would like to encourage you to try the following steps.

1)    Get really clear about what is at the root of your doubts? What part of your fear-voice is speaking too loudly? Write this down no matter how ridiculous it might sound. Seeing it written down will get it out of your body and you can begin to release the silent tension that is pinching away inside of you.

2)    Then, write down what your ambition-voice or your ‘love for something’-voice is saying. What dream or yours gave rise to your fear-voice in the first place? How badly do you want this dream? How would your life be different?

3)    Take a deep breath and exhale completely. Then read over your answers from above and absorb both sides of the story, both voices that are currently tucking at opposite ends of the doubt question. Read them to yourself with a gentle, neutral voice as if you were the mediator between two parties and wanted to resolve their conflict.

4)    Find the courage to make a decision. The word “courage” comes from the latin word “cor” which means “heart” and is a metaphor for inner strength. So finding the courage really means finding your inner strength, which resides in your heart. So instead of making a decision based on willpower and forcefulness, tune into your heart and make a choice in kind and loving support of yourself. Everything you need to know is there already.

5)    Stick with a choice and don’t revert back to doubtfulness as soon as the first hurdle hits. Nothing is ever free of challenges or unexpected surprises. That’s just how life is. So, embark on your chosen path with an open mind and a committed heart. Nothing in my life has ever turned out exactly the way I thought it would. And that’s a good thing. I wouldn’t have been able to dream up all the great things that did happen, even if I tried.

In the comments below, I would love to know: do you struggle with doubt? What choices are you putting off because you are doubting yourself?

Sending you the courage to explore YOUR courage!

xo,

Check out other fun, inspirational, and love-filled blog posts here!

Go on an adventure. Your mind, body, and SOUL need it. [Vacation pictures included!]

Here is the deal (and I am sure you will agree): We don’t have by far enough vacation time. Especially in the U.S. it is unheard of to take 5-6 weeks off per year (which is the norm in most European countries) to relax, BBQ with your neighbors, hang with your family and friends, read a book in a hammock, and yes to go on wild, thrilling, perspective-refreshing adventures.  

Yet, vacation is so vitally important for our happiness, for our physical wellbeing and our mental clarity, and for our deepest, soul-level experience of what it means to be alive in this beautiful world. Vacation also matters a big deal when it comes to delivering our best work possible, loving our jobs, and feeling excited about what we do on a daily basis.

However, we come up (often very creatively) with all sorts of excuses for why we cannot take time off, cannot go on a vacation, or don’t have the time to even plan a little weekend get-away.

If we only applied this creativity to how we CAN get away and how we CAN have lives filled with adventure, love, and excitement, we would be a whole lot happier, don’t you agree?

Well, let’s do that! Let’s get creative. I’ll start and tell you about the last 10 days of my vacation with my boyfriend Raz and the adventures we went on that are now making me sit back at my desk in NYC with a completely re-freshed awareness for how much I freaking love my life and my work.

Trust me when I tell you this: There is nothing that will freshen up your perspective, get you into your body, and catapult you from small, worrying, negative thinking into big-picture, life-loving, positive vibes as fast and efficiently as a solid adventure.

1)    Travel somewhere simple.

Last week, Raz and I traveled up to the Lofoten Islands in northern Norway and stayed at a little fishermen’s cottage. We were totally removed from everything and the simplicity of the place (think: no TV and barely any other tourists) allowed us to 1) sleep like babies, 2) spend quality time in the quite together without worrying about a thing, and 3) soak up our surroundings without feeling rushed or distracted by other people, traffic, or noise.

Tip: you don’t have to be entertained or talking non-stop to enjoy your time together. Being together in the quite is often a much more bonding and intimate experience.

2)    Get into nature!

There is no better way to clear your head than to get outside and use your body. Raz and I went on a different hike everyday and thanks to our rainproof hiking boots were able to follow all the thin slippery trails, jumping over puddles, balancing on wood panels, and climbing over rocks. We had to be focused on where we stepped and all of our senses were tuned in, alert, and present. There was no space for worrying thoughts. We even turned into temporary sheep-herders (see picture).

Tip: the weather doesn’t have to be perfect, warm sunshine for you to get outside and have an awesome time in nature.

3)    Be open and spontaneous.

Raz had been talking about going fishing forever but when we tried to book a fishing excursion, we were told that we were a bit too early for the season and that fishing boats weren’t going out regularly yet. The next morning, we were all packed up for another hike when one of the fishermen ran up to us and told us that a boat was going out right then and that we could jump on it if we wanted to. Needless to say, we got on that boat faster than they could count to five. Three hours later we came back to the harbour with our self-caught cod, catfish, and pollock, which we made for lunch and dinner that day. I cannot tell you how good it felt to be in touch with where and how our food ends up on our plate. Food is something that we take for granted in our world all the time, so this was a super novel experience for me

Tip: I didn’t think that I was going to enjoy fishing as much as I did. Being open to new experiences and being willing to try things that you feel resistance to is key in having these awesome, thrilling, and totally unexpected positive moments.

4)    Grab a blanket and enjoy wine with someone you love.

Maybe it’s because Raz and I met in Northern California that we love wine, but if you ask me there is rarely anything more romantic than lying on a blanket by a body of water, watching the sunset and toasting with someone you love. Raz and I did just that while enjoying the midnight sun in Norway (no joke- this was at midnight! Crazy, right?!)

Tip: It doesn’t have to take much effort, preparation, or planning to do something special together. All versions of picnics (food or wine) are simple, easy, inexpensive and super fun!

5)    Get up high! Literally.

It doesn’t matter if you are in a city or in nature. Getting up and having a view of your surroundings is an amazing reminder for how big life is. Being able to see far into the distance is such a wonderful way to re-focus and understand that your worries and your negative thoughts are tiny compared to the immensity and magnificence of the world. On our last day, before taking the ferry back to the main land, Raz and I climbed a mountain called Reinebringen. The weather had turned super sunny and warm, and we tackled a super steep 1.5 hour uphill climb. We arrived sweaty and with shaky legs to see one of the most magnificent views I have ever seen. At the top of that mountain, I felt so alive and so certain that the universe will take care of me.

Tip: Look into the distance, see how big life really is, and seek out opportunities to remind yourself how small your worries and fears are in comparison to the greater scheme of life. Re-focus on what really matters and give your mind a break.

6)    Ask your friends for local tips.

TIP: When going to a new city, try to find someone through your network who knows that city so that you don’t fall for the tourist traps and get to the beautiful, charming, and $ worth spots right away.

But now, over to YOU: What are your favorite ways of seeking adventures? In the comments below, tell us what YOUR tips and tricks for relaxing, changing your perspective and using your time off are?  

Then, take out your calendar and plan a vacation, a get-away weekend, a simple day-trip, or an afternoon picnic. I say, go bold, plan it now, pencil it into your planner, and buy that ticket, otherwise it’s so likely not to happen. Trust me, you mind, body and soul need it!

Talk to you next week :)

P.S.: Speaking of falling in love with you life… I would love to invite you to my up-coming event “Falling in love with your life- how to set goals for yourself that set you up for success and happiness.” It will be this Thursday, June 13^th from 7-8 pm at Fair Folks and a Goat in NYC as part of the SHE Summit Conference, a transformational event for women’s leadership and lifestyle. If you are in NYC, you don’t wanna miss it. It will be filled with tons of revealing and fun information AND personalized exercises. Check it out and get your ticket here.

Check out other fun, inspirational, and love-filled blog posts here!

Is the unknown scaring the shit out of you?

Oh… the big fat scary UNKNOWN! Let’s talk about it and get it out in the open. I have never (well, barely ever) met a person who doesn’t once in a while worry about what the future holds.  

The thing is that we don’t just leave the unknown as what it is, namely the future, which we simply cannot predict EVER --no matter how hard we try. In and of itself the future is something pretty neutral. Yet, we build the future -the unknown- up to be this big, scary, volatile box of bad jokes and mean tricks.

The unknown all too often becomes subject to our wildest imagination where our deepest worries find expression, possibility, and at times even likelihood.

I know for myself that if I let fear and worry take over, my imagination is über-creative and can get me to pretty much any ugly place. Before I know it, I imagine myself as a broke, lonely, grumpy, unhealthy, old lady who is in hopeless debt forever. Everyone is pointing the finger at me, saying "What is she doing with her life?"... you get the point.

How is that for an energy drainer and sure-fire stressor in your life?

Let’s be honest, our imagination is completely unfiltered if we act from a place of worry. However, when do you ever let your imagination go wild for how awesome your life could be?

How much time do you spend imagining yourself in a relationship that is so filled with love and joy that you wanna write a book about how awesome the person you are with is? How much time do you spend imagining being in a job that is so inspirational and fun that you open your email in the morning excited for the possibilities of your day? How much time do you spend cherishing your body and trusting that it will be a strong, healthy vehicle for the rest of your life?

I bet the balance between your worrying thoughts and your expect-good-things thoughts is off.

The thing you have to realize about worrying about the unknown is that just because you worry today, won’t make tomorrow’s outcome less likely. All you are doing is 1) draining your energy for what you are doing today, and 2) make yourself blind to all the good things life has in store.

So, here is what I would like to challenge you to do this week: think about how you can change your relationship to the unknown?

With every worrying thought you have about what unfortunate outcome your future might hold in store for you, come up with a beautiful and nurturing scenario as well. This takes practice and patience, so take a playful and lighthearted approach.

Are some things going to go down differently than you might anticipate? Yes.

Will there be situations that feel less than amazing, fun and full of joy in your life? Likely.

Are there going to be unexpected challenges and hurdles? Probably.

So what?!

There will also be hundreds of times when something unexpected happens that will make your life more awesome, more full of soul and love, and richer in your friendship and the connections you make with people because YOU ARE PRESENT, YOU ARE THERE, and YOU ARE ENGAGED WITH THE NOW.

If you create openness within yourself and in your life for good things to happen, they will happen AND you will recognize them as such.

Like my brother, Johannes jokingly likes to remind me: "Caroline," he says “life is not a pony ranch.”  :)

True, but life is also not a ranch of monsters and dragons.

In the comments below, let me know what you spend too much time worrying about and what your personalized, beautyfied, awesomized version of this scenario might look like.

<3

 Check out other fun, inspirational, and love-filled blog posts here!

What matters is HOW you HANDLE stress + insight from an Ayurveda expert!

Whenever I go to talks or workshops, I make a commitment to myself that I will walk away with one piece of new information or knowledge. Something that rings true to me and that I can use as active information in my life. The reason I do that is because most times trying to hold on to everything (or even more than one thing) simply prevents me from holding on to anything for real, over a long time, and on a personal level.  

Most recently, I took one of Gabby Bernstein’s group workshops called “Busting through the blocks” here in NYC. We meditated A LOT and did a ton of other great exercises to calm our minds and manifest our ideal lives. It was awesome!

The one piece of newly gained information (or awareness) that I walked away with from our third meeting is that as people who are living a “regular life” (not in an ashram or a temple) we are inevitably exposed to stressors. May it be traffic, subways, noise, food, people, our jobs, our relationships and so forth…. the point is that we don’t really have complete control over the stressors in our lives and how much we are exposed to them.

BUT, we do have a choice when it comes to how we handle these stressors. This is where our power really resides! 

As the group discussed what internal and external stressors were for different people, it became strikingly clear how different each and every person is and that there is not (ever!) a one-size-fits-all way of doing anything. Each person experiences stress in different ways and therefore, has completely separate needs and requirements for optimal well-being. This is exactly what I encounter with my clients as well. Each person has different concerns, problems, insecurities, and doubts that keep her from actively pursuing a different job or launching a new program.

This tells me that the key to handling anything in our lives and stress in particular, is in understanding our own constitution.

What are stressors for you personally? Can you minimize your exposure to them? If yes, great! If not, how can you support yourself and your life in a way that calms you and thus makes you more resilient. What self-care principles and healing methodologies can you adopt to feel more balanced?

I know from personal experience as well as from my work with my clients that self-care is often the first thing to go out the door when things get hectic. Instead of going to exercise and taking care of our bodies, we drink more coffee in the afternoon and more wine at night. Instead of spending our money on a massage, we go shopping for things we don’t need. In other words, we often exasperate our stress levels because we havn’t figured out what stressors are for us personally and how we can handle them optimally.

Because I believe in this kind of a personalized approach, I have been intrigued by the study of Ayurveda for quite some time. Ayurveda really looks at the individual's constitution and tunes into the person, which is why today, I would like to give you a little bit more information for what Ayurveda is,  how it approaches well-being and how you can use this knowledge to deal with stress.

Here is my interview with Amita Banerjee, an Ayurveda Wellness and Life-style Consultant in NYC.

1)    Amita, when did you start studying Ayurveda and why? Can you give us a simple, basic introduction as to what Ayurveda is?

I started to study Ayurveda twenty two years. I was working in the corporate world and my life-style and diet completely destroyed my health, body and mind. I then turned to this great science of wellness – Ayurveda. The word Ayur means life and Veda means Knowledge. Thus this great science that dates back to 6000 years is the knowledge of complete wellness and balance -mind, body and consciousness.

2)    What makes Ayurveda different from other health philosophies?

Ayurveda is the mother of all sciences from which emerges – Chinese medicine, modern medicine, Reiki, Fungshui, aromatherapy, massages, reflexology, Vastu Shastra, color therapy, sound therapy, yoga, Pranayama, Herbology and many more aspects of the holistic healing sciences.

Ayurveda is unique because the science does not generalize but establishes the uniqueness of the individual and then customizes all the aspects of treatment. It also takes into consideration the mind constitution. This is the reason this science is different from all other health philosophies.

3)    Stress and burn-out is such a prominent condition for so many of us. What are 3 simple things that everyone could do at home to reduce stress and fell more balanced? 

Stress is the undetected silent killer in our lives and Ayurveda addressed this 6000 years ago. It is now concluded by modern science also that more than 85% of the imbalances are psychosomatic! A person's overall constitution includes their unique set of physcial attributes, mental tendencies and personal traits. There are three main constitutions: Vata, Pitta, and Kapha that inform how a person can balance themselves optimally. Vata types, for example, benefit from simple, nourishing food and a regular routine. Highly focused pitta types need to balance their intense schedules with more leisure time. Kapha types need a spicier diet and more stimulating activities.

The three most significant things for stress release in Ayurveda are:

• Food according to constitution: Every individual is unique so if one eats food according to their constitution, then the cells will surely accept it best as nutrients and you will digest it properly.  
• Regular massages from scalp to feet with customized oil for the constitution. Massage supports elimination of toxins, better circulation and balances your chakras. 
• Yoga and Pranayama (breathing exercises) according to constitution.

We need to add to this a short regime of sound meditation.

4)    You are going to lead an Ayurveda study program this June which will focus on self-healing for health and balance. I absolutely love that concept and am super curious! Can you tell us a little bit more about it?  

The Ayurveda study program is aimed to empower all to understand their own unique constitution and create simple ways of health, weight management, youthfulness and higher energy. We need to be healthy to achieve our life goals with ease and create fulfillment.

The best way to get rid of the rounds of insurances and doctors and side effect causing medicines is to take control of your own body, mind and consciousness and create health and wellness in a natural way! Nature provides us with all the support we need to know our constitution and take all that nature is giving us in abundance!

If you are interested in finding out more about Amita's June Ayurveda Study Program, you can click here. For questions you can email Amita here amita4ayurveda@gmail.com.

Check out other fun, inspirational, and love-filled blog posts here!

Exciting news & important update!

I am so excited to write to you today and share some amazing news with you. Three pieces of news to be precise. Firstly, throughout the last few months, I have been working pretty hard but mostly super passionately on really thinking about how I can improve my coaching programs to deliver the most value possible to my clients no matter where in the world they are.

Like so many of you, I am quite a perfectionist, so it is challenging for me to ever feel like something is really ready and good enough to be "put out there." 

This is why I am über excited to now invite you to head over and check out my newly evolved, personalized coaching programs that give you different ways of working with me 1-on-1. Click here to find out the details.

As you will see I am specializing on women in their mid-20s to mid-30s who are at a crossroads with their career ("I hate my job and need a change") and/or women who have decided to pursue their passions but need help figuring out what the right steps are ("I love what I do, but need help strategizing, planning, and feeling confident"). Click here to get the full scoop.

FYI: Consultations are FREE, so if you or perhaps a friend or family member of yours has any questions, I'd love to chat. Contact me here or email me directly at Caroline@carolinezwick.com.

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Secondly, I wanted to share with you that one of my goals -one that I had been manifesting- is about to unfold: I got my first two speaking engagements. YAY!

One of them is for a private group of women and the other one is for the S.H.E. SUMMIT CONFERENCE, a “transformational leadership & lifestyle event for women” designed to help women lead their most optimal professional and personal life! I am so psyched, because last year I paid to go to S.H.E. SUMMIT events myself and this year they invited me to host my own event. If you are in NYC, I would love to invite you to join my event "Falling in love with your life" on Thursday, June 13th from 7-8pm. Find out more details and how to register here. I would love to see you there.

(If you fall in love with what Claudia Chan and S.H.E. SUMMIT is up to and decide you would like to go to the whole weekend event on Fri-Sat, June 14-15 in NYC, you can save $50 off 1 $ 2 day tickets for with promo code SSWEO. Find out more here:http://shesummit13-eventorganizers.eventbrite.com. If you go, let's meet up :))

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Thirdly, I am so honored to have been asked by Nitika Chopra from Your Bella Life to become the newest member of their amazing team of Bella Life Experts.

I believe that there is so much power in being part of an inspirational and genuine community, so I am very grateful for this opportunity. Check out my newest post "How to not abandon yourself when things are hurting" for Your Bella Life here.

Lastly, I would like to thank you, my amazing readers, for all your loveliness and support in the past few months. So many of you reached out to me and shared your stories with me personally and I am beyond grateful for your openness and support.

With love!

What if you stopped comparing yourself to others?

Do you ever look at other people, what they are doing, what they have achieved, who they are dating, what they look like and then you go home and feel shitty about yourself?  

Do you take every opportunity out there to compare yourself to others –either to make yourself feel better by bashing what they are doing OR to bash yourself for what you have not achieved yet?

Basically, is your sense of self-worth dependent on how you measure up against your external environment?

There is a delicate difference between looking at others and allowing them and their journey to inspire you and a completely different game plan when other people’s success is making you feel miserable about yourself and what you are currently doing.

Nobody, and I mean nobody, was born with their achievements and successes in their pockets, but everyone, and I mean everyone, has at one point or another encountered opportunities -it’s simply a matter of recognizing life occurrences as such. Even those people who have seemingly been handed everything on a silver tray have still taken the opportunity that came along and turned it into something worthwhile.

How inspiring is that?

We are all in the same boat. We just have different fishing gear aka. unique ways of doing things. 

Here are the three main consequences you will inevitably run into when you are caught up in comparing yourself to others:

1)    You will feel bad about yourself and your own process no matter how successful you are. Your focus is on other people and, therefore you will only see what you do not have and stay blind to what you do have. It basically doesn’t matter what you achieve because you won’t register it.

2)    You are sending envious and negative energy into the world. The kind of success that feels authentic, fulfilling, and truly gratifying never originates from a place of negativity.

3)    You are so focused on what success looks like in other people that you make it impossible for yourself to approach your life with a creative mind and do anything truly unique, different, and out-of-the-box.

So, let’s be honest, wouldn’t it be really nice to free yourself from comparison and finally feel good about who you are and where you are heading today?

I agree.

Here is what I would like to encourage you to do this week:

1)    Get genuinely excited about other peoples' successes

e.g.:

• "Awesome that she got a promotion!"
• "So happy she is finally dating a guy who is successful, handsome, and treats her like gold."
• "Her body is in amazing shape and looks hot. I couldn’t be happier for her."

2)    Start to look at your daily life as full of opportunities

e.g.:

• An elevator conversation with a stranger could turn into a new job, a great friend, a good mood…
• A new gym class could turn into your favorite summer workout and a rocking confidence because you are having too much fun to think about whether you have upper-lip sweat and your thighs are jiggling.
• A challenge at work could be your way to show your boss how committed you are to the job and that you are able to solve the most boring problems with a creative and engaged mind.

3)    Commit to doing things in your own way according to what feels right and good to you

e.g.:

• Your own timeframe
• Your own order
• Your own creative way of problem solving

In the comments below, let me know in what circumstances you compare yourself to others and how you can reframe these thoughts to better serve you.

If you liked this post, I would love it if you shared it with your friends and family so that they too can free themselves from comparing to others and instead dwell in their own progress.

To your uniqueness,

Check out other fun, inspirational, and love-filled blog posts here!