How to reframe your attitude (using an imaginary twin) – even in the midst of Hurricane Sandy

Hi lovely,

First off, let me tell you that these last few days here in NYC have been wild and nothing like I have ever seen before. I am so grateful for my family and friends who have been reaching out from all over. I feel so blessed and loved. My thoughts and prayers remain with all those who are still struggling with Hurricane Sandy’s repercussions.

Personally, my experience with the hurricane started on Monday morning:

Imagine you are sitting on your IKEA pull-out couch in your floor level apartment in Soho in NYC with Sandy only hours away to do all the damage she is going to do. The News are sure to keep you posted only on the most dramatic and havoc racking stuff you can imagine and your parents from Germany are calling you announcing that all of Europe is under the impression that there is no tomorrow for NYC. This anticipatory state of something unknown is the worst.

So, what’s a girl to do? Freak out? Not constructive. Pour herself a drink? Not yet. Boil some eggs in case the power goes out? Maybe. Fill the bathtub with water just in case? Probably. But first, she takes her broom, slips into her gray rubber boots, steps into her tiny backyard full of leaves and starts sweeping; one sweep after another hoping that the drains won’t get totally plugged with leaves as soon as Ms. Sandy dishes out her first few blows.

I have to confess: Cleaning our backyard sucks. Sweeping up wet, dirty leaves while it’s already drizzling REALLY sucks… big time.

I cannot tell you how much resistance and annoyance I felt in the pit of my stomach when I started… then I remembered something I learned last Thursday that I found to be a fabulously entertaining idea and that might just switch my perspective on this Mother Nature imposed job I was engaged in.

Last Thursday, I went to an event put on by Your Bella Life (an amazing online lifestyle magazine that writes on pretty much everything a life-loving girl could wish for, so definitely check it out). Anyway, the event was about empowering women to heal themselves and let me tell you it was an evening full of valuable information, but also one filled with laughter and funny stories of how the panelists help themselves when they feel down. The story that came to me in this moment of leaf-battling was told by Sarah Jenks (yet another super inspirational woman to check out).

Sarah confessed to having an imaginary twin who leads a super fun life. Whenever Sarah feels stuck, she just thinks about her twin –who happens to be a fabulous French girl named Gisele—and simply does what Gisele would do. Are you thinking what I am thinking? It’s AWESOME, right?!

Ok, so here I am laboring away in my backyard to corner stubborn sticky leaves into one area, annoyed as SH**, when I switched modes and began to develop my own imaginary twin:

She –I cannot decide if she is more of a Zoey or a Heidi—is a master at what I would call some of my own biggest growing edges: patience, present-centeredness, and not feeling rushed all the time. Zo-eidi would hold that broom with pride, calm determination, and a positive zen attitude because she would feel that she is doing her part to prevent her lovely apartment from getting flooded with dirty NYC water. She would also just dive into her present activity without having spiraling thoughts of resistance.

Guess what happened when I allowed myself to be inspired by my imaginary twin?! Yup, you are right. I began to feel much more patient and my resistance eased off. I was also laughing at myself, my grey situation, and my silly yet colorful imagination (Psst, in case you don’t know it yet… humor has magic powers!).

In the last 48 hours this simple question “What would my super patient, calm, and ‘zenned-out’ twin do?” has proved to be incredibly helpful.

Like so many others, my boyfriend and I lost power and phone reception on Monday night and I can tell you that an entirely blacked out NYC neighborhood is way more scary than I envisioned it to be. This made me realize how much comfort I get from light, being able to contact those I love, and the News keeping me posted on how close to our apartment the water had come (thankfully, our place did not get flooded afterall).

Yesterday, we packed our backpacks and walked 87 blocks north, where we are now staying with friends who have electricity. As you may imagine, thoughts of Zo-eidi certainly came in handy right around block 57, 73, and 81… you are almost there… stay with it, breathe, and be grateful… you are so lucky to have such amazing friends...

So, here is to today’s challenge:

Think about moments in your life when you feel resistance. What are your growing edges of improvement? Maybe, you have to actively remind yourself to have more fun? Or you are like me and you could benefit from more patience and generosity of time? Perhaps you want to be kinder to yourself? Maybe you want to feel more motivated to work out? Or, perhaps you would like to be better at setting boundaries at work? Whatever it is, create you own imaginary twin who rocks all these qualities. Give your twin a name, an age, a look… and next time you feel stuck, allow her/him to role-model what it would look like to have more fun, be more patient, work out more, be kinder to yourself, or have good boundaries. Then, go do exactly that yourself!

The point is to allow your imagination to be playful and support you in any way you need.

As always, I would love to hear what you have to say. In the comments below, let me know what qualities your imaginary twin has.

Before I end today’s post, I am SO excited to share with you that I have completed the creation of my 10-step program Find Your Voice and Speak with It Too. While I am working on the re-vamping of my website and other fun stuff before the proper launch, I wanted to let you know that I do have 3 open slots right now (I coach in person, on skype, and via phone). If you have thought about getting a coach and are interested in what working with me could do for you, email me today and set up a free 20 minute consultation. I would love to talk with you.

Stay safe and warm if you are in the Northeast.

With love,

Caroline

Self Check-in: How do YOU deal with feedback?

Hi beauties, Before, I get started on what I have to say today, ask yourself these questions.

How do you respond, when:

• your boss asks you to do something differently?

• your manager suggests a different viewpoint?

• Your co-worker disagrees with you?

• your friend offers feedback?

• your sibling does something different from how you told them to do it (and it works too)?

• your partner tells you his/her thoughts that are not in perfect alignment with yours?

Basically, the question is this: When you receive feedback, how do you incorporate it into your world? Does it register as potentially helpful advice, clues for how to do something better/easier/quicker, constructive support, OR does it register as criticism, as harsh external judgment about your innate abilities, as exposing your imperfection?

People respond to feedback in a vast number of ways. The spectrum is wide and having clarity for how you respond is the very first step in showing up in your life equipped with yourself as your primary advocate (because let’s be honest, who else would it be if not you yourself?).

The reason I started thinking about this is because of a conversation I had with a friend the other night. He is able to take most feedback at its face value. (I say ‘most,’ because he, too, is human –SURPRISE!– and therefore his responses are varied and not always linear.) Generally, when someone comments on a specific aspect of his work, he is able to take this comment and check in with himself if he agrees or does not agree. The feedback and his subsequent internal debate revolve around the specific point that was mentioned by the feedback giver. The feedback “only” affects how he views his work AND there is room for his personal inquiry regarding the worth of the feedback he got. (Note to self: not all feedback is good feedback!) Impressive, I know!

For me, on the other hand, it takes conscious effort to keep feedback isolated and focused on what the feedback giver actually said. The difference in our response mechanisms is that I have a tendency to take feedback about something I have done and allow it to bleed into the way I feel about myself AS A WHOLE PERSON.

Here is an example that I remember most potently from when I was working on my M.A. thesis a while back. People’s feedback seemingly came from everywhere and lots of it was extremely valuable and I am eternally grateful for it. However, some it was flat out BS. Regardless of whether feedback was good or bad, this period was extremely challenging for me because my internal sense of self-worth fluctuated so much depending on this feedback. It didn’t matter if feedback came in the direct form of a statement like “This does not make sense because….” or the passive form of a question such as “Are you also going to include …”. I continually found myself somehow ashamed for not having caught these points on my own. I felt exposed and vulnerable. I repeatedly pictured myself through the eyes of my feedback giver and heard them saying things like “This whole thesis sucks” or “I cannot believe she didn’t include this. It’s so obvious.” This was where my thoughts –guided by my fears– went first; and it made me feel pretty neglected inside.

So, what was the real issue here?

The real issue was that upon receiving feedback of either kind, the first and only thing I heard was that I did a bad/ incomplete/unsatisfactory job…. Because (wait for it) I didn’t do it perfectly in everyone’s eyes! Let me repeat, I didn’t do it P-E-R-F-E-C-T-L-Y in E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E’-S eyes!

I expected perfection from myself and therefore, I was either 100% correct or 100% incorrect! This kind of black-and-white thinking made it impossible for me to receive feedback healthfully or constructively. I was unable to actually grow as a person. It was really hard for me to get to the point where I was able to internally debate the actual worth of a specific feedback for myself.

Retrospectively, I recognize that this cycle was so strong and precarious because perfection –particularly in everyone’s eyes- is impossible to begin with. When you don’t realize that you are chasing the impossible, you are always running. It’s like you are tied to a treadmill with an everlasting energy source (Can you imagine anything more terrifying? I cannot.)

--------------> How can you jump off that treadmill?

The challenge for those of you who share this auto-response cycle when it comes to receiving feedback is this: Spell out the feedback you received word by word in your head and narrow it down to the specific point of what was said. Be very clear with yourself that everything else is simply mental clutter that does not serve your output in any capacity. Instead of allowing your mind to be clouded by thoughts that are en route to attack your self-esteem, focus inward and ask yourself these two questions:

Question 1: What was the specific suggestion behind this feedback?

Question 2: Do I agree with it?

That’s it.

Create clear lines of separation and a sound filter for all information that is coming in. This will allow you to be a lot more level-headed about separating worth from clutter all while remaining your own strongest, most vibrant, and exuberantly self-loving advocate.

In the comments below, let me know how you experience feedback. How do you incorporate it into your world? If you want to share this post with someone you think might benefit from it, by all means, pass on the love.

xo, Caroline

Why Celebrating Your Achievements Matters

Hi there, I just got back from an amazing and über-relaxing weekend in upstate New York. Along with three other couples, my boyfriend and I stayed at one of my friend’s houses that is quietly tucked away in the woods. (Gosh- how much I love the quiet and fresh smell of the clean forest air.) What always amazes me when I get out of the busy streets of NYC and into nature, is how my mind becomes calm and thoughts that have been waiting for clarity suddenly have the space to inhabit my internal world wholly and actually formulate into something tangible.

Before I continue and get to today’s post, I would like to ask you a question:

When was the last time that you actually celebrated something that you achieved? The last time that you felt pride (not relief) for having met a goal?

Be honest. (FYI: By “celebrate” I don’t mean the checkmark next to your to-do list.)

This question has been the core of an on-going conversation I have been having with numerous clients and friends of mine lately. What we unanimously found was that nobody is taking the time to truly appreciate their achievements AND that so many of us do not FEEL like we have achieved much when, in fact, we have. And I am no exception.

As many of you know, since I graduated from grad school last May (an achievement in itself that I lacked to celebrate with the inner pride it deserved), I have been working super hard to create my own coaching business. I am constantly teaching myself new things in the digital and marketing worlds while at the same time creating programs that I fully endorse and believe in. I forget that I am achieving little milestones (going live with my website, having my first client, writing my first guestblog,…) along the way all the time. I just kind of take them for granted because these are goals I set for myself and failing is not an option I give myself. So, what happens is that achieving these goals simply registers as the norm and I move on at the speed to light, pursuing the next thing. At times, I feel relief for having completed a goal, but rarely do I take the time to translate relief into pride. See the difference?

This last weekend, in the serenity of nature while picking my own vegetables, I realized that this taking-for-granted-of-my-achievements happens way way WAY too much in my life. I am not only missing out on a party thrown on my behalf, but more importantly I am depriving myself of that fundamental awareness for the difference that I AM making in this world.

I am stunting my own growth because I am missing opportunities that foster that deep sense of self that informs me that I am capable, that I care, that I do things well, that I am a success.

It is like we are constantly on the hunt and then forget to actually eat what we caught. However, if we don’t eat, it is only a matter of time until we run out of energy and cannot hunt any more at all.

How are you stunting your growth? What have you achieved recently that you neglected to celebrate and be proud of?

Think about this for a moment.

Here is today’s twofold challenge:

1) Email your best friend, your partner, a family member, your roommate… whoever you would like to celebrate your achievements with and tell them that you would like to exchange (might as well encourage someone you love to feel proud as well, right?!) a list of accomplishments that were never properly celebrated. This list can include anything that is important to you. Don’t limit yourself to work, but expand your sense of pride into your personal life, into you health, into your hobbies. Think big and don’t be shy. Saying what you have accomplished out loud is the first & very essential step!

2) Then within the next two weeks, plan a get-together where you can celebrate these accomplishments and together dwell and expand into this fundamental and immensely enlivening sense of being proud, being capable, being a success, and being of value. Enjoy every moment of this!

In the comments below, let me know what accomplishments you overlooked previously and would like to celebrate retrospectively! Report your reactions, thoughts, suggestions, ideas, revelations, and experiences. I would love to celebrate with you.

With love & support, Caroline

Do you need to go on a diet- a MENTAL diet?

As summer is coming to an end, many of us are going through transitions –physically, mentally, spiritually. As fall feelings are settling in, we are coming down from the steamy, sun-loving, half-day-Fridays HIGH of summer and are beginning to get back into our routines. Sometimes this coming down from a HIGH can feel challenging, suddenly leaving us feeling isolated, lonely, overwhelmed, restless... you name it.

So as you are transitioning into this next season, I want to encourage you to take advantage of this turning point in nature and begin to gently check in with yourself:

Do you feel guilty for not having been “productive enough” throughout the summer?

Is your mind cluttered with thoughts, expectations or self-criticism that no longer serve you?

Do you feel anxiety building up just thinking about all the things you need to do before the holiday season?

If so, you might want to think about treating yourself to A MENTAL DIET. Simply, follow these top 3 mental dietary guidelines:

1) CUT OUT COMPLETELY ALL feelings of GUILT and REGRET.

These are internal functions that are past focused and guess what, the past is over and done with and needs to be let go. If you need to apologize to someone, do it now. If you are waiting for an apology from someone else, stand up for yourself by forgiving that person. Sounds crazy? Well, opposite to what you might think, by forgiving someone, you are not letting that person off easy, you are simply freeing yourself from negativity. Think about it, by holding on to resentment, you dis-empower yourself and allow another person to hold the reins of your happiness. Take those reins back into your own hands and begin to move forward.

2) CUT BACK on feelings of STRESS & ANXIETY.

As opposed to guilt and regret, stress and anxiety are future focused. All of us experience various amounts of it at times. The way I see it is that anxiety and stress are simply part of living in a society that is forward thinking, always preparing for the next event, holiday, weekend, or presentation. The simple fact that most of us need to go to the grocery store to obtain food, forces us to lead an anticipatory lifestyle. So in this sense, stress itself is not necessarily bad because many of us need a certain level of it –good stress- to get going and to get into flow. Stress is like chocolate: good in moderate amounts. However, when stress and anxiety reach an excessive level, they become toxic and immobilize us (again, just like chocolate). So, when I say “cut back”, I mean for you to absorb the energetic push that comes with the beginning stages of stress and then carefully monitor where and when you have to interject and slow down. Make sure that you personal wellbeing is at the top of your to-do-list.

3) Consume a BALANCED (mental) DIET.

Just like a balanced meal consists of a variety of foods –fruits, vegetables, grains, and proteins- your mental diet must contain a variety of experiences in order to deliver optimal well-being. One of the best food advices I ever received said to make my plate as colorful as possible. This is true for your mind as well: fuel it with positive thoughts, exercise in nature, meditation, quality time spent with friends... whatever comes to your mind. The point is for you to dwell in your personal individuality that is fueled by a multitude of sensations.

But now, back to you: What else do you do to free your mind from un-useful clutter? I would love to hear from YOU about any tips & tricks to add to this MENTAL DIET GUIDLINE. Just head over to my facebook page and leave your comment or suggestion. Cannot wait to hear your thoughts.

xo,

Caroline

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Healthy Body & Happy Mind

Beautiful Friday morning to you, First of all, I hope that you had a great start into September and are feeling energized, balanced, and inspired to slowly start switching from the hot summer months to cooler temperatures. Autumn is such a wonderful time for reflection and becoming curious about what is going on internally.

Last Wednesday evening, my friend and amazing wellness coach, Nadya Andreeva and I hosted a free teleconference discussing the benefits of mindfulness on your personal journey toward cultivating a HEALTHY BODY and a HAPPY MIND.

With more than 120 participants, we were excited (and also a bit nervous ;)) to share our personal stories and provide you with our professional tips, tricks, and tools for how YOU can find your own way to live a life that is marked by a harmonious and loving mind-body relationship.

If you missed the event, you can listen to the recording here or download the MP3 file here.

As you will be able to tell from the call, my part focused on helping you understand the correlation between your Cravings and your Emotions. In order to further support you, I created a Cravings, Emotion, Body's Response Diary and a Bodymap exercise for you. I hope that you will enjoy them and find them supportive in fueling your curiosity about how your body and your mind are working together.

Two other helpful resources on this topic: 1) My most recent article for MindBodyGreen: The Nutella Curse- How a Vice is also a Blessing. 2) My M.A. Thesis Video: Experiencing Emotion Somatically: Fostering the Mind-Body Connection on the Journey Toward Wholeness

If you have any questions concerning these exercises or the topic of the mind-body relationship, please don’t hesitate to email me at Caroline@carolinezwick.com or writing to me on facebook.

I would also love to hear any comments you may have below.

In health & happiness, Caroline

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1 Simple Way To Bring More HEART Into Your Life

I don’t know about you, but it can be challenging for me at times to consistently remember and really be aware of how much I am loved.

Often times it is because this inner certainty gets clouded over by the busy-ness of my day. Other times it is because my mind is caught up in some kind of hectic cycle, sweating the small stuff. Sometimes, it seems like I just need an external reminder to halt and reclaim this universally divine sense of being cared for.

A few days ago I was sitting on my yoga mat ready to let myself be carried into the zen-space that I have come to treasure so much. I suddenly realized that in my rush to make it into the studio on time, I had forgotten to take off my necklace. I reached for the clasp at the back of my neck when suddenly a thought entered my mind saying:

“Why don’t you just leave it on. It’s not heavy. It won’t bother you.”

The necklace I was wearing on that particular day had been a gift from my mom that she has given to me before I ever left my home country of Germany. It is a silver necklace with a beautiful heart-shaped pendant. I remember wearing it on my first day of school in an American high school.

As my thoughts on the yoga mat revisited these experiences, I began to think that instead of removing the necklace, why don’t I leave it on and whenever the heart pendant falls back on my skin, I will actively let it remind me of how much I am loved.

Thanks to numerous Downward Facing Dogs, Cobras, and Twists, my sense of how much I am loved deepened to a level that remained with me for days. Merely by infusing my mom’s heart-shaped necklace with a reminder to actively feel what I already knew, sharpened my sense of trust, self-love, and inner contentment. It was so simple.

So, how might this experience of mine be applicable and useful to you?

By sharing this story, I want to encourage you to find ways to actively remind yourself of how loved, how special, how treasured, how unique, and how simply wonderful you are.

It’s just too easy to forget or take for granted. But when we discover ways to infuse our surrounding objects with special reminder functions –in my case a transmitter of love- we enable ourselves to receive any feeling that we might need in order to walk through our lives with strength, passion, and resiliency.

Take a look around. Observe your environment. What object might you infuse with special transmitter powers today?

Choose boldly.

Choose freely.

Make it your own.

Get ready to receive.

With love,

Caroline

P.S.: Know someone who could benefit from an extra dose of HEART in their lives? Share this article with them or simply let them receive my newsletter on their own. They can sign up here.

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Why is making AND STICKING to a commitment so hard?

The word “Commitment” often invokes hesitance, resistance,  & fear in so many of us.

I have spoken, listened, and worked with dozens of people who freight when it comes to making a commitment. Most people are rather unconscious of this and instead make excuses for why they are unable to follow through with specific lifestyle changes. They often blame a lack of time, resources, or knowledge; they find mistakes in other people for why they cannot date them (even though they had a really great time together). Many of those people are dissatisfied with how their lives are going, yet they are afraid of committing –and I mean really 100% committing- to something that promises relief, improvement, and happiness.

But why?

Because the word “commitment” immediately makes so many of us feel like we are “caught.”

Like we will have to live up to some enormous task or otherwise we are a failure.

The voice of the commitment is more like that scolding 8th grade teacher or that horrifying boss than our own best friend’s. This inevitably leads us to look at commitments as an opportunity to fail or an infringement on our freedom, instead of as an opportunity to grow and rise beyond anything we ever wished for.

In this post, I am going to suggest a new, different, and may-I-say-so-myself REVOLUTIONARY way of looking at commitments.

Are you ready?

Step 1 (hint- this is the revolutionary part!): Realize that your commitment is YOUR commitment. You are the boss and that means that you can formulate and establish the subject, scope, and timeframe of your own commitments.

Step 2: Only make commitments that YOU (not your mom!) actually want to make AND to things that you know will bring you closer to being the person who you truly want to be (remember that sometimes we make commitment for other people like our family and friends. While we might not love every second of those commitments, they do allow us to be the loving friend, parent,… we want to be). So, ask yourself honestly if making this specific commitment reflects your personal values and will bring your closer to leading the life you want? If not, you might as well drop it now. If yes, move on to step 3.

Step 3: When you enter a commitment, honestly think about how much of it you can actually manage before it becomes a drag. Don’t commit to something that you will start to hate because your scope and time expectations are unrealistic. I cannot tell you how many times I have made this mistake and how many times I have seen others make it. For example, if you want to become a yogi, don’t start out with making a commitment to attend five 2-hour Bikram classes per week. Instead, perhaps start out by exploring two different types of yoga by September 1st. That way you give yourself room to play while fueling your explorative instincts; ultimately helping you find that perfect long-term fit.

*** In other words: Set yourself up for success right from the start! ***

Step 4: Keep your long-term objective in mind. Once you decided you want to commit to something –that exercise class, a healthier way of fueling your body, a kinder way of speaking to yourself and your loved ones- write it down on a piece of paper following the outline below. Then place it in an area where you can see it, absorb it, and thus live it daily.

I am committing to __________________________________________________________(be specific!).

I am doing this because____________________________________________________________.

By doing this I will be one step closer to being who I want to be and living the life I dream of living!

This week’s challenge, therefore, is plain & simple:

Be the boss!

Re-construct your commitments so that they can be your friendly allies.

Set yourself up for success right from the start.

Get on the road towards your ideal life.

Until next time, xo

Caroline

Oh and by the way, if you havn't signed up for my upcoming free conference call Find YOUR way to a Healthy Body and Happy Mind with wellness coach Nadya Andreeva, you can do so here. (Hint: even you cannot make the live event, sign up anyway and we will send you the recording afterwards!)

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What is the Purpose of Your Relationships?

 

This week’s post is one that is very

dear to my heart as it is inspired by

the wedding of one of my college

roommates this past weekend, so

hold on tight and get excited. 

As a spiritually eclectic person – I basically pick and choose from any belief system whatever feels right, true, and helpful to me- I am always open and excited to hear, see, and witness ceremonies and rituals of all sorts. Ever so often, something is conveyed that strikes a deep cord with me and makes me think for days on end. This time, the Jesuit priest who conducted my friends’ wedding ceremony – a quite witty and funny fellow himself – did just that when he said:

“The goal of marriage is to make the other person feel more alive.”

Now, we all know I like the word alive (Authentically Alive ... need I say more?!), so I was all ears and the wheels in my head started turning; tossing around this to me novel way of applying the feeling of aliveness. Replacing the word “marriage” with “relationships,” this beautiful idea is now offered up to anyone and everyone who cherishes togetherness. So,

“The goal of relationships is to make the other person feel more alive.”

I had obviously thought at length about the idea of aliveness and what that means to me as an individual. What was suddenly new was the idea of feeling alive as a primary concept that shows up not only through one’s individual, personal, inner pursuit of it, but just as much through and in the midst of relationships to others; particularly those we love most.

Above that, I had never thought of it as the PRIMARY goal and mutual gift of a relationship.

Yet, upon hearing this sentence, I immediately felt the bells of inspiration and truth ring loud and clear within me, shaking my whole body, and announcing the arrival of one of those “AHA” realizations. (Don’t you just love when that happens?!)

The thing is this: If the goal is to make our partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, friend, parents, brother, sister, neighbor, or whoever the lucky recipient is, feel more alive then we can love, give, and receive less selfishly and more freely. The focus moves away from pulling IN, reaching for, and holding on to intimacy, closeness, and connection to expanding OUT, opening up, and creating space for mutual, genuine aliveness to enter.

This allows authentic intimacy, closeness, and connection to unfold on its own, without force, fear, or willpower. 

By no means does this mean that you and your loved one will be less close! Instead it means that you increase the space that your relationship can expand into. Figuratively, it’s like moving from a tiny Manhattan one-bedroom apartment with creaking floors and no closets to an enormous farmhouse that has enough space for an art studio, a soundproof drumming room, a meditation loft, and an Olympic-size pool. Now that sounds pretty sweet, doesn’t it?

With this in mind, I would like to challenge you to ask yourself the following questions in regard to a relationship that truly matters to you: 1)    How can I add value to this person’s life that would allow them in turn to truly be who they are at their core? 2)    How can I help this person to be visible to the world without hiding aspects of themselves that they fear might be judged by others? 3)    How can I support this person in exploring the world around them so that they can experience life with meaning, purpose, radiance, vigor, and humor?

During this process of questioning, stay as open as possible, play with different scenarios, and check in with yourself what making another person feel more alive might feel like for you. If you feel comfortable, talk these questions out openly, share your needs and listen carefully to the other person's as well. If you don't feel ready to discuss such questions in your relationships that is perfectly ok too. Just be aware of that and begin to ask yourself why that might be. Is there fear, doubt, or perhaps a desire to control?

Wherever you are in this process, practice awareness and envision yourself and your partner, friend, or family member joining together in that farmhouse-kind-of-space, where encouraging each other's aliveness is the ultimate goal and the most genuine gift.

The clearer this vision can become the closer you are to actually living it in reality.

If you liked this post and feel that someone you know might enjoy it as well (perhaps it is this person who you want to support in feeling alive?), feel free to share the love by passing along this email, signing up for my newsletters (if you havn't already) and liking Authentically Alive on facebook. Of course, I also invite you to comment. I would love to hear your thoughts!

Until next time, xo

Caroline

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Always Wanting More... Of What?

Take a look underneath the surface and start having more of IT today.

What is it about us humans that leaves us perpetually wanting more? Or should I say: feeling like we don’t have enough yet… ever?

These thoughts are with so many of us daily: “If I only had __________ (more money, less stress, a relationship, insert whatever fits your thoughts), my life would be much better/ easier/ perfect.” What we are doing on an unconscious level by thinking like this is attaching large-scale life happiness to tiny little shifts in our lives that are dependent on the external world somehow changing in our favor.

But wait, are you saying that tiny little shifts don’t matter?

 Not at all. In fact, I am all about tiny little shifts (not just because it roles off the tongue so beautifully). BUT these shifts need to happen within ourselves, in our own inner world, in our own relationship with ourselves -not in the external world. The reason is two-fold:

1)    If we expect our lives to improve contingent upon external changes, we might just be waiting forever. You are waiting for the universe so serve you oysters on a silver platter, when the universe might just not have a fancy restaurant in store right now. By waiting for the external world to make your life better, you are completely, entirely disempowering yourself. You are allowing yourself to be the victim of your surroundings and your own world. You are removing yourself, your own drives and passions from the happiness equation.

2)    Think about how you would have filled in the blank at the beginning of the article. You are not really only asking for more money, for example. I bet that within that same wish, you also automatically embedded a job in which you are happy, where you have plenty of free evenings that you can spend with your friends on nice dinners, time to zen out at that cute yoga studio you have been eyeing… the list is endless. You are probably not imagining yourself just holding a stack of money and still stressed out to the nines and feeling lonely, are you? Similarly with a relationship or finding love, you are probably not imagining yourself with just anyone, but with someone who fits for you, who speaks your intuitive language. What I am saying is that these wishful pictures for a happier life that exist in our imagination are not just one dot on a large canvas, but they are beautiful vibrant stories.

So, what now? Get to the point already. What do you mean by making tiny little shifts within oneself?

Next time you have a thought that puts your happiness in the court of the outside world, pay attention, listen to it, and start to ask: If I actually had __________  (more money, less stress, a relationship, …), how would my life be different? How would I feel? What are the things I would do everyday (leave out the dream vacations and mansions for now and focus on your daily life)? Focus on how you would feel waking up in the morning and going to sleep at night.

With these questions answered honestly, you can now begin to recognize what IT is that YOU actually want in your life that will make you the happy, content, and vibrant person you want to be. What you filled in the blank is merely the veil of a much deeper desire.

What I want to challenge you with today is to start doing the things you said you would do if you had __________. Perhaps you answered that you would go to dinner with your friends more. While you might not be going to the 5-star restaurant you imagined, give yourself permission to recreate the core experience that you are seeking by surrounding yourself with your friends, eating something you love, sharing stories, laughing. Perhaps you will get together at someone’s house and cook a wonderful meal together, put out a white tablecloth and light a candle.

The point is this:

Make the internal shift that is giving you permission to start living your dream life now.

Give yourself permission to be happy today.

Allow your own creativity to empower you to live your dream future as if it was happening already.

Because it is… if you let it.

Marianne Williamson captured this notion precisely when she said:

“We are not held back by the love we didn’t receive in the past, but by the love we’re not extending in the present.”

Extend this love today. Take charge and pave your own road. Insert yourself into the happiness equation.

Manifest this internal state of love, optimism, and happiness in your life in the present and everything else will fall into place on the outside. This is the law of attraction and the core principle of trusting yourself and your own experience.

I would love to hear your comments, questions, thoughts, and/or personal ways of making (or starting to make) these tiny little shifts on the inside. Perhaps you have more ideas and suggestions? Share them.

If you enjoyed this post, comment on my website or on facebook & share the love with others <3

Have a lovely day,

Caroline [fbcomments]

What is "Lebensfreude" anyway?

According to Google translate the German word “Lebensfreude” translates into “zest for life.” Hmm… somehow I don't quite feel satisfied with this translation. So let me give it a better try by telling you a short story about how this word entered my life:

I am the lucky oldest daughter of a father who is a self-proclaimed eternal optimist. All through my childhood and now into my adulthood, the word "Lebensfreude" was a favorite of my dad’s. He said it with the type of enthusiastic vibrancy and sparkling veracity that only originates out of the powerful voice organ of an Italian opera singer or... well, out of the passionate proclamation of a true, die-hard optimist revealing to the world that “Life is beautiful.” And it is.

When my dad used this word and when I use it now, I mean the type of “Lebensfreude” or “zest for life” that is entirely engulfed in the present moment with the internal awareness that recognizes life as precious, radiantly colorful, and complete at the same time. When I experience “Lebensfreude” I feel full of love, giving just as much as I am receiving from my environment, a perfect exchange of energy. I am in flow.

These experiences are so very important, as short or long as they may be at times, because they inform us that while s*** happens, life is also pretty sweet.

Now, if these moments of Lebensfreude are explored beyond just the surface memory, the exact feelings can be recalled and eventually fostered into a powerful resource that can convey this "Lebensfreude" into an overall attitude. All too many times, our mind, body, and psyche are preoccupied with ironing over the negatives that we all (-and it really is ALL of us!) experience that we forget about all the awesome stuff that happens to us too.

So, in the name of "Lebensfreude," here is today’s challenge:

I want you to take a few minutes right now and remember a time in your life when you experienced this type of Lebensfreude. When were you completely in flow with your environment? When were you overcome with joy or perhaps serene calmness? When were you laughing out of the inner most corners of your body? I bet, you won’t be able to resist at least smiling as these experiences pass through your memory. Stay with them for a few minutes and recall exactly how you felt. Where in your body did you feel this Lebensfreude? What was so beautiful/ funny/ captivating at that moment? Be as specific as possible. And whenever you finish, share your memory with us in the comments below. What is Lebensfreude (or an example of it) for you?

It is through sharing these positive experiences in the real world and with real people that we create the space for them to manifest, grow, and flourish.

And remember there is no right or wrong. We are here to celebrate each other's individuality and to infuse each other's lives with the type of optimism, vibrancy, and (ok fine, you got me, I will say it one last time), LEBENSFREUDE that we all want and deserve.

Oh, before I forget, if you liked this post and feel that someone you know might enjoy it and this growing community as well, feel free to share the love. <3

Cannot wait to read everyone's comments.

xox

Caroline [fbcomments]